Pizza Face

I hope you found my new site okay.

Having this site crash is a great example of what I’ve been thinking about.

Right now, I feel pretty good and, considering how badly things go for some people, I’m doing very well with the chemo. But there’s still a few things going on:

• Fatigue – I was pretty tired the first few days. And even now, I will sometimes crash around 6pm for a couple of hours. Its not just sleep – I completely pass out and its hard for me to get up at all. But for the most part, I am sleeping well and my energy is good.

• “Bleo Effect” – My friend Vanessa warned me about this. One of the chemicals, Bleomyacin, has side effects on the skin and blood flow to the hands. When I hold my hands out in front of me they feel ‘ghostly’. Then they feel normal again when I bring them back. The doctor said to get used to it and keep my hands warm.

• Phlebitis – I have blood clots in the vein where they gave me chemo. It’s a little painful and makes my hand a little numb. It should clear up on my own but I wrap my left arm in a heating pad sometimes for comfort.

• Metallic Taste – Ugh. This one really got to me. For about 5 days after chemo I had a metallic taste in the back of my mouth. Which led us on a search for mints, suckers, Werther’s, ginger chews and anything else that will get rid of it. Coffee is ruined. I love ginger (which I normally don’t). I eat with plastic utensils. The taste became a 24 hour obsession to make it go away. Luckily, it did after a few days…but I’m not looking forward to it coming back.

• My pee smells funny – does this need an explanation?

• Itching hair/Losing hair/No hair – I should start losing my hair in a couple of days. Today was the first time I felt the itching and burning in my scalp which means the little fellas are on their way out.

Funny story: While I was in the hospital, the nurses kept sticking tape and bandages to me for a variety of reasons. I got tired really quickly of having them tear the tape off and all the hairs on my arms with it. So I decided any time they stick anything to me, I’m going to shave the spot first. I shaved two patches on my arm where they put the IV, figuring its only hair and it’ll grow back. The doctor looked at my arms the other day – 2 weeks after I shaved them – and told me that will grow back in about 6 more months. Until then, my arm looks like a topographic map of Africa carved out of arm hair. Add it to the ‘Awesome List’.

• Acne – I have broken out all over my face and body. Its not painful, just annoying and not that attractive. It could be from the steroids, the chemo, both or who knows. And who knows if it will go away.

Which leads me to the point of this post: I don’t give a damn about the acne.

If this happened to me 3 weeks ago, I would be freaking out about it. Pimples on my face, shoulders, chest and back. All over my forehead. I look like a 16 year old at Homecoming.

I couldn’t care less. Give me some acne. Give me a metallic taste in my mouth. Let me endure a little discomfort – in my body and in my life. My blog, which has become so important to me, was almost completely wiped out for no reason. I deleted our entire iTunes music catalog from T-Z (seriously, I have no idea how).

Unless it gets serious, I really couldn’t be bothered over a few zits.

This is pretty true in my life these days. Traffic doesn’t bother me. The jerk on his cell phone in line behind me at Trader Joe’s – he will go away. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and most of it is small stuff.

Of course, I won’t be like this forever. And the edge between “I don’t care” and “I’m going to punch the guy with the cell phone in the face” is a thin one. But I guess the point of this blog is that one day I can go back and remind myself that I once felt this way and hopefully I’ll get that feeling back.

Even if its only until I’m stuck in rush hour traffic again.

But for now, this pizza face isn’t sweating the small stuff.