Stuff you find in your hospital bed.

Stuff in my bedI have never been in the hospital before. At least not an overnighter in my own room, without the freedom to walk the halls or go get a coffee. Some things I’ve learned over just 3 days:

  1. Respect the nurses, doctors and staff. But trust noone.

  2. If you don’t want the freaky, nervous, kinda bitchy lady who looks disorganized and has your lists of tests wrong – you can tell her to get the hell out of your room and have the nice nurse take your blood instead. I don’t give a damn whether you’ve had 14 years of experience and a master’s degree – I won’t let you touch me with a pen, let alone a needle. Get out.

  3. Let the student nurses practice on you once. Then always ask who everyone is in the room, how long they’ve been doing it, what their GPA was and when was the last time they had a nap. Patient power. (Thanks to Paola for that lesson)

  4. Hospitals in SoCal are WAY better than anywhere else – good food, great views, cute nurses, cool people, flat screen TV’s. Maybe I’m just in a good spot, but UCLA medical system rocks my socks off (literally, no socks)

  5. 2nd opinions – you never know where you’re going to get it. I asked around a little and now I have 4+ oncologists double checking my records. Awesome.

  6. Guardian angels – An associate of mine from a production company, not even someone I know very well, made a call to the UCLA medical board on my behalf and my biopsy went from “We don’t know if we can get you in at all but don’t eat anything for 16 hours just in case” to “Right this way Mr. Dickter” in 15 minutes. Hell…yeah. Never be afraid to ask for help.

  7. It’s always fun to find out what’s left in your bed after they come to take blood or perform some tests. Little plastic caps, gauze, tape. I thought I had some kind of plastic tube coming out of my rear end, but it ended up just being the card holder from a flower arrangement. I was like – “Is this supposed to be inside me somewhere?”

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