Glass half full. Today was my 6th chemo treatment of 12. I was stoked.
But my excitement got tempered by a bit of an anxiety attack during the chemo. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one feeling a bit anxious today as the doctors and nurses had their hands full talking to other patients about their feelings. It was one big anxious infusion party.
Through this process, my emotions have evolved from limited clarity about life (“Don’t sweat the small stuff”) to aggression (“Let’s beat this thing”) and now to frustration (“5 more damn months of this crap. I’m going crazy.”)
Also, there was definite frustration today about my condition and treatment. My portacath, which was supposed to make things easier, has a minor infection and I couldn’t use it – so back to using an IV in my arm. The pre-meds they were giving me were slightly different than what I usually get — because my doctor never formally changed my prescriptions. He figured that the nurses would just ‘talk to one another’ to give me the right nausea meds and Benedryl. It all worked out in the end, but I had to get upset about the lack of communication…again.
Definitely frustrating and a little emotional.
So that’s what is going on with me – blah, blah, blah. Halfway through it and still having to fight every step of the way. Its not like I wasn’t told it was going to be this way.
But there is a silver lining around the edges of all this – I am enjoying my photography class. It motivates me to get out of the house and it is nice to have the time to practice thinking creatively. If I can’t work on set, I might as well pursue my own interests and try to build the portfolio.
I thought I’d share a bit of what I’ve been up to. I have one full set on FlickR: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sdickter/sets/72157621207012598/
And here’s one of the Santa Monica Pier to wet your whistle: