Just writing a short message on the eve of my 12th and final chemotherapy session.
Some thoughts going through my head:
1. Thanks. To everyone. For everything.
2. I’m looking forward to turning the page and putting chemotherapy behind me. I’m also nervous about what’s to come. I’ve gotten used to the structure of having doctor’s appointments every Thursday, every other weekend I enter my fortress of solitude and the energy I feel when my nausea passes and I get to start my week from scratch. Now I enter a new stage in my treatment…and a new stage in my life. Hmmm….
3. Its not over yet. I get the month of October off to let my body try to get back to a normal state – rebuild my immune system, get my energy back. Then, in November, I face radiation. Which isn’t nearly as exhausting as the chemo but still has its own set of side effects. After all that, we can deal with my blood flow. Then, the doctor’s tell me, it will take months for my body to get back to ‘normal’. But one step at a time, right?
4. What is it that I’m going to take away from this experience? There is a saying that a person is “Blessed with cancer”…which definitely doesn’t make sense when you are first diagnosed. But, as I begin my journey towards recovery, I’m curious about how these past few months will influence the rest of my life.
I’ve also heard people say that sometimes they miss the feelings they had while they were in treatment. You only have to look at some of my earlier posts to see what this means. In the beginning, I found a new perspective on life – on traffic, on friends and family, on health. As my life returns to normal, will I lose these feelings? Was my ‘normal’ the best normal it could be? Or should I re-adjust my priorities and outlook on life?
I’ve been spending a lot of my time thinking about some of these things. Mulling over my own perspective of my life.
I don’t have any answers today…just questions.
But tomorrow I will have solved one of my problems – putting chemo behind me.
See you on the other side of the weekend.